Wednesday, September 18, 2013


Writing assignment 1-Descriptive essay (draft)

It was 3 years ago when I first stepped my feet on that school, when i first saw you . At that time I caught a glimpse of your childish face but thats it.

A year had passed and here came another first day of school, you were late that day. Ms Vero had been explaining about Biodiversity for 20minutes when suddenly the sound of creaking door distracted whole class’ attention. And there you were, panting and sweating. You came in hurriedly and unintenionally bumped into most desks you were passing by, causing more noise. You gave the teacher an awkward smile and finally sat in front of me since it was the last seat available. I was trying to pay attention back to the course but then the rustle of your paper deverted me again. At last I ended up staring on your back. You were tall that’s for sure, about 5 feet and 7 inches, you were very slim as well. Your short hair was as black as ebony and your oversized ears reminded me of mom’s tea cups. You seemed like a person who preferred reading books to playing sports.

During the break time you suddenly turned around and called me, I was astounded. You laughed gleefully till your squinty-playful-eyes disappeared behind your tiny-black-square-framed-glasses. Your eyebrow was as black and thick as one of my childhood comic characters, Crayon Shinchan and your eyelashes was even longer and curlier than mine. While you were talking, your facial expression changed continuosly and your eyes were twinkling with excitement as if you were a child who had just received candy. Your body kept moving around and you used lots of hand gestures to express yourself as well. You got a high-pitched voice (which is quite unusual for a-16-year-old boy) that made me feel like chattering with my little brother. But most of all, your smile was unique. Unlike others, your tiny pink lips curved downward and formed a shy but adorable smile. Your dimple which appeared on both of your cheeks whenever you smile, made you look even more attractive.

After talking for a while, you excused yourself and went to your friend’s desk. I kept my eye on you and noticed the way you walked was unsteady, it was like you’re going to fall to wherever the wind was blowing. And although you’re quite tall, you had hump on your back as if you were carrying a heavy stone. Later on I met your dad and I knew from where you got that gesture.

In the following weeks we became closer and started to have chitchat a bit more. You could be very annoying and kept teasing me, you might not always react the way I wanted you to, but your advice was among the wisest. You took everything easily, you got along with people effortlessly, and you hardly ever got offended. I was wrong about you did no sport, it turned out that you love playing football. I was also mistaken about you love spending time in library, in fact you love playing computer games.

Time flies and here we are. I’m typing in front of my laptop and you are in somewhere out there. We rarely talk to each other anymore, but I will always remember the good time we had.


  1. It is a sentimental descriptive essay. I think you are cherishing the memories between you and your male friend but at that same time, you couldn't do anything to get back to the time what it used to be. Life is filled with regret.
    You are describing your friend in detail, such as 'Your eyebrow was as black and thick as one of my childhood comic characters, Crayon Shinchan and your eyelashes was even longer and curlier than mine.' You used a cartoon character to illustrate how the eyebrows of your friend are like which providing me a picture to imagine which is a descriptive example.
    Also, for this sentence, ‘your oversized ears reminded me of mom’s tea cups.' You used an exaggerating description to make the essay be more interesting that arouse my attention.
    Lastly, you are using a timeline to link up the events that happened between you and your male friend and in the end you mentioned you didn't contact with him anymore which expressing a melancholy mood.

    Lam Cyrus Pui Kei

  2. Hi Austin, I enjoy reading this blog entry a lot. You have told me a lot the details of your male friend and I can imagine how he looks like and how he acts. Are you in a crush on him? (haha just kidding :P) Anyway, I was very impressed after reading your essay XD

  3. HI Austin~ I am Grace, hope you dont mind i left a couple of comment on your blog :p
    While i was reading your essay, i really felt like i was the one sitting there!
    Since you mentioned all the details about what happened when he came late and sat in front of you.
    Even with such a short words, i am still able to understand your feeling when you met that ''You'' (seems someone you have a crush on... hahaha)
    btw, ur blog is really beautiful lol :):):)

  4. Hi Austin, It is really a great essay. It seems that I was sitting there imagining the whole scene or picture. It is nice! But I think you may describe more because it seems that there is quite a lot narrative parts when comparing with the descriptive part.
    But it is really good. I love reading it and please keep going on haha!!

  5. Hello Austin! This is Diana. I think your essay is really good. I think you have included lots of specific details to describe his appearance, height, facial expressions etc with using several interesting similes which is very impressive. For example, when you wrote 'Your eyebrow was as black and thick as one of my childhood comic characters, Crayon Shinchan', I could immediately know what his eyebrows looked like!

    I could feel all the lovely personality traits from this guy and like him as much as you do. Therefore, I think you have successfully focused on the purpose of your writing which is to show his personality. In general, it is great piece of descriptive writing. Keep it up!

  6. Hey Austin, you quite skillfully explained the every little detail. Only thing that I noticed you can improve is that the 2nd last paragraph as contain a lot of feelings and attributes that guy had, so you may add more descriptive elements in it. Overall, great effort!!!

  7. hello, I'm Maurice. It's a romantic piece of work, love the way you described the boy entering the classroom. I think you should write more about your interaction with the boy.

  8. Yeah! Austin! What a lovely writing about your feeling to that boy. You should send it to him on his birthday as a surprise !!! Hahaha...

    Well... In this essay, you did great in describing the appearance of that boy. As a reader, we can really form a general picture of him. Especially on the third paragraph, we know he was a bright, cheery teenager whose “body kept moving around” and he “use lots of hand gestures” to express himself.

    Yet, here is an advice. ^v^
    - The theme would stand out if you could describe more details about his personality other than appearance. Like when he talks to his friends, describe his actions and his friends’ reactions, showing how effortlessly he could get along with people. Let the readers think that, “Oh, he is really a good guy.”

    But it’s already a great pleasure reading this. Show his photo to us! XD ahahahaah
    By PAK

  9. Hey Austin This is Justin.
    Technically I wish you could use more showing than telling me how he entered to the classroom, as it would be more flavourable to the readers to sense it themselves.
    But emotionally I think this is a flawless piece of work. The emotions attached to it was beyond compared. From the start to the finish I see how your emotions must have changed. It reminds me of my very important friend that we no longer meet or chat anymore. This passage has described way more than what it seems to be, which is wonderful.

    I am so glad to have read this essay and I hope you carry on with the good work.
    Justin Lau Kin Fung 53406610 T17


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